Mmmm-uffins!

Upon awaking to a monstrous hangover and a pile of muffins I realized I have been absent from the blogosphere for a few days. Let me tell you why:



Understand?

But believe me, it wasn't all drinking...sometimes I was baking. No! Not that kind of baking. I made muffins. Seriously. Let the jokes begin.

First up is a batch of muffins I made for breakfast. Corn Bread is one of my favorite kinds of bread...truth: they're all my favorite kind of bread. Jiffy makes a great Corn Bread Muffin mix but it's a little plain, so I dressed them up with some fresh fruit. Simple.

Make the mix as per the directions on the box. Next peel and core an apple (regular red apples work best for this one) and chop into small pieces. Do the same with half a box of fresh strawberries. Into the strawberries add a few spoonfuls of sugar. Onto the apples add sugar and cinnamon to taste. See where I'm going with this?

Put your muffin mix into the muffin tin about 2/3 full. Last, add the fruit mixtures generously to each individual muffin. This makes for delicious, fruity, crunchy muffin-tops.



Put them in the oven (pre-heated...if you're sober enough to remember...) in the manner suggested on the box. One thing, because we've used fresh fruit it changes the cooking time on these muffins. Just leave them in an extra 3-5 minutes more than what the box suggests.



These muffins were amazing with breakfast, and the Apple Cinnamon ones were a great side dish to some pork chops I grilled!

Next up I've made some Lemon Poppy Seed Muffins with a Dark Rum Glaze. These little suckers are straight from the box too! Buy some muffin mix (I like Lemon poppy Seed - they taste good with Mimosas) and make them to the directions. Don't add anything to the baking process, just enjoy the simplicity and take the opportunity to sneak a shot of the dark rum we'll be using in a second. When the muffins are done remove them from the oven and set out to cool. DO NOT MOVE ON UNTIL THEY'VE COOLED!!!

For the glaze you'll need confectioner's sugar and dark rum. On the back of the C&H box it has directions on how to make lots of different icings, basically all the same recipe - just different liquids. So, in a bowl mix 1 cup of powdered sugar (resist the urge to pretend it's coke and do a line) and 1/4 cup of dark rum. Add the rum slowly and stop when your icing is the right consistency. It should be opaque and not too runny. Pour the glaze generously over the cooled muffins. In a few minutes the glaze will set and harden a little. YUM!



I made these muffins for a tail-gate at USC I went to with Dane and some of his friends. They were delish and nobody had to know how super easy they were to make...or how intoxicated I was when I made them!

Steak and Potatoes - A Man Meal for Two Dudes

Buttery, delicious, and bite-sized! What's not to love about new potatoes? The only thing that would make them better is if they got you messed up. Dare to dream. Anyway, new potatoes were the feature of this traditional Steak and Potatoes meal.

The first thing you want to do is clean the hell out of your potatoes. I bought these little spuds at the local Farmer's Market, so I really had to scrub. It's just a good habit to get into, cleaning your fruits and vegetables thoroughly. Have a beer while you do it, I did. Go ahead, no one's watching.

Once you've scrubbed and polished these little nuggets set them in a pot of water with salt, a splash of olive oil, and 2 cloves of garlic (all of which should ALWAYS be on hand in your kitchen). Set them to a medium high heat and let them come to a boil. While they're boiling there are so many devious activities you can get yourself into. Alcohol, cigarettes, black-tar heroin (I don't suggest the last one). They should boil for about 15 minutes. Just enough time to get your buzz on! You know they're done when a fork can slide right in, and easily slide out. Do it to a couple of little potatoes. Slide in...slide out. Slide in...slide out! Do it more than three times and it becomes a sexual act. Pour the potatoes and whole garlic cloves into a strainer and let cool.

My favorite part of that picture is the cocktail shaker in the sink. Earlier that morning I mixed myself a Bloody Mary. Recipe: Vodka (to taste, ha!), Tomato Juice, splash of A1 Steak Sauce, small scoop of Horseradish, small splash of Olive Juice (caper juice also works), 4 shakes of Tabasco, 2 shakes of Salt, 2 shakes of Pepper.

While these were cooling I began seasoning my steak. Tri-Tip is the steak on the menu for the evening, tres clase! I seasoned them with some salt, black pepper, garlic powder, and a Montreal steak rub. They are ready to hit the grill. I like my steak medium-rare to medium. that takes about 5-6 minutes per side on my crappy electric grill, but on a real, full-sized barbecue it could take only 3-4 minutes per side.

Back to the potatoes. Once they are cooled, cut them into bite sized pieces. This is usually just a quick cut in half. The cloves of garlic should be minced and placed with the potatoes into a skillet or small saucepan with about 1/4 cup of olive oil, and butter. Butter to taste, and let's face it: butter is THE taste (confession: I use I can't believe it's not butter). Turn up the heat so the butter, garlic, and olive oil all become friends. While this is going on chop up some green onions and through those in there too! Salt, pepper, garlic powder (to back up the fresh garlic flavor). Once the potatoes are coated in their buttery, garlic-y sauce, turn the heat off. Have you had a drink yet? Drink!

Now it's time for some greens. I believe that green is a necessity on EVERY PLATE! While I am in no way shape or form a vegetarian, vegetables are a necessity for our bodies to run right. Where did this soap-box come from? Weird! I need a drink. For this salad I tore into a head of Romaine Lettuce (wash it wash it wash it!), chopped into a red onion, and halved a few cherry tomatoes. For dressing we used a Raspberry Vinaigrette (store bought).

Beer has that magical ability to curb the appetite, other 'intoxicants' make you hungrier. Luckily I was plenty hungry, even after three or four beers (I lost count). The steak was cooked perfectly, the potatoes were so buttery and garlic-y, and the salad was crisp and the dressing added a sweet-tart taste. So good. I suggest it. Bottom's up!

Shopping List
New Potatoes (1 and 1/2 handfuls of each red and white)
Garlic
Butter
Olive Oil
Green Onions
Salt Pepper
Tri-Tip Steak
Montreal Steak Rub
Garlic Powder
Head of Romaine Lettuce
1/4 Red onion
Basket of Cherry Tomatoes
Raspberry Vinaigrette

Now it's time to play a new game here on FUI (Food Under the Influence)! It's called Guess the Brew! Whoever guesses right first wins a meal cooked by me for you! If you're out of town or in another country, guess anyway! Who knows when I'll be in your neck of the woods!

"Baked" Stuffed Tomatoes with Bacon and Asparagus

The other night I went through my fridge to find 3 nearly bad tomatoes. Since I spend more than 30 dollars a week at the farmer's market letting food go bad is not an option. I also had some Asparagus bought at said market, a case of beer (not bought at said market), and a bag of the freshest, most delicious herbs $60 can buy. I. Was. Ready.

The first thing I did was to make a slice at the top of the tomatos and scoop out the insides. Did you know the inside of a tomato is called the 'locular cavities'? Interesting? No. Drink! Now put those little red f*ckers aside and start making your stuffing.

Take 4 pieces of bacon and cut those piggies up. However big or small you want. Remember, size doesn't matter (yes, it does). I like to make them bite sized. But if you have a smaller or bigger mouth than me you can determine your own 'bite size'. Fry up your bacon bits (I hope I don't get sued) and when cooked through, put them to the side. Using some of the bacon grease (mmmmmmm...) saute 3 cloves of garlic, 1/2 of a white onion and your asparagus, which must also be cut into bite size pieces.

Once everything is sauteed, combine the asparagus mixture with the bacon bits. Let this mixture cool.

Take a drink, admire your work, hit that piece. Ready to keep going? Good!

Grate 1 cup of cheddar (I like sharp cheddar) and combine into the mixture. Also combine 1/2 of a small package of cream cheese (I used light cream cheese to counterbalance the bacon...and cheddar...and copious amounts of alcohol I imbibed while making this dish). Fold the mixture together until well mixed.

Now, put your cream mixture into those tomatoes (uh...ew). Pre-heat the oven to about 350 and bake those suckers for about 20 minutes. While those are baking, you can too.

20 minutes is a long time. Like, 2 beers long...

Remove them from the oven and sprinkle some bread crumbs onto the top, followed by a small sprinkle of cheese and a splash of olive oil. Turn your oven to broil and set the tomatoes in the broiler for another 5 minutes.

5 minutes is not such a long time.

When removed the cheesy crust will have melted and your tomatoes are done. Enjoy, if you can still stand.

OK, here's what happened. I was all into taking pictures for this blog. But I got too drunk and ...... (fill in the blank) to remember to take a picture of the final product. Ooops, I'll remember next time.

Shopping List
3 medium to large tomatoes
garlic
onion
bacon
asparagus (1/2 bundle)
cream cheese
cheddar cheese
olive oil
bread crumbs

Most of these ingredients are super cheap, or are already in your kitchen. Always have on hand olive oil, garlic, onion, and cheese.